A Third-Life Crisis

I think I may be in the midst of a third-of-life-crisis. Don't let the title fool you into believing that I am on my third crisis. I can't say "mid-life", because if 29 is the middle I'm only going to be 58! I prefer to hope that I will live close to ninety. That makes me about one third of my way.

Amidst all the stress that I've been going through and all the things that make me so anxious, I am in "the zone". I'm trying to be a happier, healthier me. When I went to the doctor last week, she actually said she was *ahem* PROUD of me. I don't think I've ever heard a physician say that! Somehow I have found the inner will power to take care of myself and finally do the right thing. Where this inner strength comes from, I have no idea.

I have the ex-husband who doesn't want to let go... please get your mail sent elsewhere, I don't want to see you anymore. He must hold on until that last shred of hope is gone. Of course he has to call and harass me as I'm writing this! Leave me alone!!! I'm not your wife anymore!!!
I am trying to work towards getting married again (I must be crazy). This time I am pickier than anyone can imagine though. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want. Who knows? My standards may leave me alone for the rest of my life. And of course does anybody really measure up to "the one". The guy I was in love with for 5 years. The guy I was seeing before I became muslim. The man I thought I was going to marry before things went so terribly wrong! He's been my standard for 5 years. Tough to beat, even my ex-husband was nowhere near there. Until recently I thought someone near to him would be difficult to find. I thought I found someone even better! I thought I found Mr. Right, but now he's hesitating, and really Allah knows best!

I don't have time for the nervous breakdown that I so desperately need and deserve! Why does life have to be so confusing? I take out all my anxiety on exercise and prayer. At least these outlets are healthy. May Allah help me.