Letters Never to be Sent: #2

Not-so-dear ex-husband,

I am not writing this to be mean, but I need to get my feelings out. I am not a mean person; I have shown you more kindness than you ever deserved from me. You hurt me, both emotionally, as well as physically. I know I need time to heal, because some of these wounds run very deep. You treated me like property. You sold everything on the land and left it abandoned.

I think it is the words you've used, more than the physical hurt, that wounded me more. Beating me with a belt, well that truly sucked. However, telling me that you swore to Allah that you'd kill me, that's just messed up. Sometimes it plays in my mind. Almost like one of those credit card commercials...
"Beatings with a belt: 5 days to heal, little bruises from pinching all over: 7 healing days, Emotional abuse and threatening to kill your wife: A lifetime to get over!"

Yeah you did your best to bring me down. Emotionally... What was it again? Oh, that's right, you made me feel worthless. You told me that nobody would ever want me, and if they did, they would never love me. That any man would only use me and throw me away, and ultimately I'd come running back to you. That I was the most horrible person in the world. I can't believe that after hearing stuff like that day after day, I started to feel worthless.

You're gone now. I can see through the fog of words you spewed at me. I AM NOT WORTHLESS. I am a wonderful person. I am caring, kind, and considerate. I am intelligent, and have many talents. For the right person I will be a wonderful wife.

So threaten all you want to sit outside where I live and watch 24 hours a day. It won't be difficult to get a restraining order. But know this... I am not a mean person. I hope you will move on with your life. I pray to Allah to give you a good life with all the blessings you deserve. I hope one day I can find a way to forgive you, unfortunately I just can't right now.