My Thoughts On Polygamy

I have spent some time reading blogs from sister's who are co-wives. Of course being a muslim woman I had to ask my husband before we married if he would ever think to marry another wife. His answer, "No". For me that was the answer I needed. I personally don't think that I could ever handle that. I am willing to give 100% to my husband and I want the same in return. I'm not saying that I think polygamy is wrong, it just doesn't work for me, and I don't think I'm alone in that feeling. Besides, how many brothers do you know that can really make justice between wives like they are supposed to? Very few, I imagine, can exemplify what an amazing husband Prophet Muhammad (saw) was to his wives.

My thoughts on this issue are mostly directed to the second wives or those thinking to be a second wife. Think really hard before you enter into marriage with a man that's already married. I think a second wife holds some responsibility in researching her potential mate. She needs to find out how his relationship with his first wife is. I think she should also ask to talk to the first wife before marrying. Warning Sign: if the first marriage is having troubles a second one shouldn't take place. If a husband isn't working on problems in his first marriage, why would he work on a second marriage. Ask about his finances... in DETAIL. If he has to downgrade the lifestyle of the first wife to support another, don't marry him. Nothing should change about the way his first wife (and kids if there are some) is living. She shouldn't have to sacrifice just so he can marry someone else. A second wife is an addition to life. So he should have additional funds to support her. Why would anyone want to marry a man who isn't right with his first wife anyway? Think about it... if he treats her in an unwanted way, don't you think eventually you may be treated the same. The best predictor for future behavior is past behavior.

Remember marriage in islam is not supposed to be secret. It is supposed to be open and celebrated. If a first wife doesn't know that she is a co-wife or about to become one, there is a huge problem. Sisters need to take responsibility too before entering into a new marriage, especially if another wife is involved.