Mind Flow

My world as I know it is shifting and changing. Everything I knew is turning upside down. I've realized that I am no longer growing up, now I'm just growing older. Trust me there's a difference. It's a disgusting realization. I feel like my life hasn't even begun yet. I feel as though I'm waiting for some momentous event to take place AND THEN my life can start. I don't even know what this event is exactly, I just keep waiting for it and it never comes. What if I die feeling that my life never even began? I pray to Allah to keep me sane, to protect me, to have mercy on me. The hardest part about faith is not having the answers. I think I may be a control freak. It's difficult to let go when you feel like you need to know what's going to happen. Nothing's ever promised tomorrow, today. I have a job, a place to live, food, and water. I'm not struggling, but it doesn't feel right to me; there is something missing. I feel as though I've lost something along the way. Did I ever have it to begin with? I think I may be happier when this is all over with. A month can make a world of difference, I just have to see my way to the other side.