I Did Have Something To Say!

I almost forgot. Ahem! Okay I had to clear my throat.

EID MUBARAK!!!!

I hope everyone has a great Eid. May Allah bless you all with a nice holiday.

You Blog!

That's right, you blog! When you've tossing and turning for over an hour and you can't sleep. What do you do? You blog darn it! I honestly don't have anything to say, but boredom brought me here. To improve my vocabulary I get a "word of the day" email. I'll share today's word with you.

canard \kuh-NAHRD\, noun:1. An unfounded, false, or fabricated report or story.2. A horizontal control and stabilizing surface mounted forward of the main wing of an aircraft.3. An aircraft whose horizontal stabilizer is mounted forward of the main wing.

Isn't that fabulous?

Suddenly,

"Suddenly, nothing seems so important as my sanity."

Words scrolled in large letters taking up the entire page of a teenage girl's journal. The writings I found last night of self-hatred made me weep for that girl. How could those pages be overlooked for so many years? How did I move from place to place and never see those words? A notebook full of paper, and only a few pages of awful, biting words. It isn't like I didn't know what happened to that girl. All the questions are answered. She's a 30-year-old woman looking for a notebook to write some GRE vocab words in.

The sheets were torn out. The girl was left in the past where she belongs. The notebook now filled with painstakingly large words, that I don't know half the definitions of.

Raging

Yes, I'm Raging. It's that time again, for a week of fun-filled PMS.

My mom bought me a particularly hideous shirt. She said it was for an special "dress-up" occasion. I don't know what kind of high-class cocktail parties my mom thinks I'm going to, but I would never wear that shirt even if I did go.

Point being I returned the shirt. I walked in the door at the same time as another guy. I stood in line at the customer service desk. He slightly passed the desk and then came back and stood in line in front of me. He nonchalantly budded in line. I let it go because he was carrying a car seat. Another guy came over and stood off to the side of the line. He made it look like he was in front of me too. I wasn't going to let this happen. Then another customer service rep came to help. The guy off to the side waved me over, so I went. Technically I was the next in line, but the lady first working didn't think so. The guy was getting my money out of the drawer when she loudly said, "Were you next? There is a line here!" I looked at her, grabbed my money and left. It took all of 5 seconds to take care of me and then I was gone. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I decided I would go to the grocery store and buy some cheese pizza, turkey pepperoni, and some diet soda. That's the PMS diet. I encountered another muslim sister. Did she return my salaam? Certainly not. She stared at me as though I were some freak in a freakshow. Double GRRRRR! It's quite obvious that I'm muslim. I'm covered. Why not return a sister's salaam? I don't get it.

I wish I could have bought a regular Mountain Dew, chock full of sugar! I even passed up the chocolate. I'm putting black olives and the turkey pepperoni on my pizza.....mmmmm. Gotta love the PMS.

The Holiday Season

I of course was at my mom's house since yesterday. I helped her cook, and do whatever else it is she needed. I entertained her with my silliness. Most importantly though, I helped. I'm not saying this to brag, but to be used as a comparison.

From the moment my sister set foot in my parent's house today there was mostly screaming. My mom asked as to the whereabouts of my sister's boyfriend. My sister started screaming that my mom didn't even care if she was there, but only if her boyfriend was (SO not true). So my sister walked out to leave. My step-dad yelled out the door to her. They yelled back and forth until my sister came in, and immediately went downstairs to sit by herself.

Eventually she was nice to my mom, then they screamed at each other again. My sister was eventually nice again, and then more screaming. Wash, rinse, and repeat. My sister opened her presents, and complained about them. My sister ate the dinner my mom cooked, and complained about it. Then she finally left. She did absolutely nothing to clean up or help out. Nice. Real nice. What else should we expect from a drug addict?

A Product Review

My mom decided to try some new mascara, Loreal Shocking Volume Waterproof mascara. After watching her scrub her eyes with numerous cotten balls and makeup remover for ten minutes, I know I will NEVER use this product. I can't say anything for the non-waterproof variety, but the stuff my mom put on wasn't cool. It left her eyes red, puffy, and burning.

It wasn't pretty.

Shopping With Mom

Of course, never a dull moment when shopping with mom. She had her list of about 5 items. She said it would be a quick trip to Wal-Mart. I should know better by now. I should have realized that it's never a quick trip to shopping anywhere with my mom.

Two and a half hours in Wal-Mart. Two and a half hours. It isn't that she goes overboard and buys one thousand items that aren't on her list. She got what was on the list and a couple extra things. She just has to LOOK at everything. I don't understand this. She goes there weekly. What items can they have that are so new that she needs to look at?

Then it was back home to cook.

She makes me tired.

I'm Just Saying

I often rant about things, and today is no exception.

Some guy kept calling my phone, and asking for someone that it doesn't belong to. Everytime I answered he got irritated... with ME!

Hello? You were calling my phone and annoying me. It's not my fault you don't know how to dial the number you want! Quit wasting my cell phone minutes, and yelling at me! I'm just saying.

Favorite Things 1

After a phone call from my mom last night I was inspired to post about some of my favorite things.

When I visit my mom I often do silly things to make her laugh. Others might look at my small performances as pure craziness, but I like to amuse my mother. Sometimes when she finds something I say particularly funny she will call me and say it over the phone. One such instance took place last night. I had to repeat it about 15 times while my mom giggled on the other line and tried to imitate me. This is one of the things I love to do for my mom; just making her laugh brightens my day.

It's Never Enough...

I have been excited for 1:30pm tomorrow for the longest time. That is the time I get to leave work and not come back for 10 days. My excitement was slightly crushed today.

First off, today was the day from hell at work. It was awful. Things went wrong that we've never seen go wrong before. Tomorrow is the end of month, and there is always a big push to get stuff out before end of month. Well since things went wrong, we are behind.

I have been working extra hours all week so everything would get done, and I was looking forward to just an 8 hour day tomorrow. Especially since I have to be there at 5am. My supervisor was trying to convince us that we should stay until 4 or 5 pm tomorrow night. Really? You can't be serious!!!? All I want to do is run like heck out of that place as soon as the clock hits 1:30.

The Holiday Program

The company I work for recently had it's holiday program. I always enjoy this. They try to be as inclusive as possible. They give us a nice lunch, and then they bring patients who have the products from my company implanted in them. It is always heart warming to know that something I do at work effects others in a good way. Sometimes it's not that easy to see when I am at work with my co-workers bothering me. It's my nice once-yearly reminder that what I do can be very important. I know it deep down, but it's nice to be reminded.

A Case Of The Mondays

"Has anyone ever said to you, 'It looks like someone has a case of the Mondays.'?"
-Office Space-

It wasn't the worst Monday; it wasn't the best Monday. If I can make it until Friday I will be okay. 4 more days at work, and then 10 whole days away from there. TEN! I'm ecstatic. Eid day is coming soon. That should be fun inshaAllah. I have much to look forward too.

TEN!

A Breakthrough!

Alhamdulilah! The most amazing thing happened today.

Eating, something most people take for granted, has become extremely painful for me. I haven't been able to take a bite in over a month without being in pain. Medical professionals have been less than helpful with this problem. I almost can't even remember what it is like to eat normally. Today, alhamdulilah, was different. I have been able to eat today and have no pain. I almost can't believe it!

Memory

It's amazing the shape my memory can take. There are some things from childhood that I remember quite vividly. They are mostly bits and pieces; a memory photo here and there. There is one snippet of memory that I have somewhere between being 5 to 8. My mom confirmed for me that it was a true memory. I could always see myself in this place, but could not remember why I'd be there. It's amazing the things we can learn from our parents.

After work yesterday I went to mom's house. She wanted help baking some Polish poppyseed coffee cake (so goooooood). This is something we always make together. It takes quite a while and there are a lot of steps. So we had a lot of time for fun and conversation. Last night in particular, we talked a bit about the past. This is when I realize my memory is better than I thought!

The Three-Oh

I now move into a new phase of life:

Oldness.

Crazed Driving Maniac

This is what happened to me today on my way to Target. I was driving in my lane down a 2-lane road. Only 2 lanes. One for going my way and one for going the opposite way. Now, I don't know if the lady coming at me head-on thought she was in London, but she scared the crud outta me. The weird thing is that she didn't move until she absolutely had to. It happened so fast. The car behind me squealed it's breaks as it came close to hitting me. It just makes me wonder what that person was thinking as they came towards me.

I parked in the Target parking lot, shaking as I realized I almost got hit from both sides. Alhamdulilah, I made it through that.

The Fam

Last night the family came over. My mom, step-dad, little brother, my sister, and sister's boyfriend. We spent time together making home-made pizzas. After that we had really super yummy banana cake that my mom made.


It was really nice to spend time with the fam. It was also nice that they came bearing gifts. My sister got me a cute shirt from the store she works at, and some FUN socks! My little brother got me "The Office" season 1 on DVD. My mom and step-dad got me some beautiful diamond earrings. Thank you!!!


While I was watching "The Office" I thought that the character Jim looks like an older version of my little brother. It's a bit odd.




Today I fulfilled my week's long craving of a Mocha Mint Frappucino. I couldn't find any singles at the convenience store, but I found the 4-pack at Target. Sooooooooo gooooooood. And maybe, just maybe, I won't go to work tomorrow.

HOWL!

Last night was awesome! I went to a Timberwolves game. I haven't been to a Wolves game in such a long time. I kind of forgot how much fun it can be to go to a live game. They won too, over the Utah Jazz. 110 to 103, pretty sweet!

Eyes Wide Open

Why is it that whenever I go to the doctor something freaky happens? Just lucky I guess!

Yesterday was no exception.

I had my eyes dilated at the opthomologist at 3pm yesterday. It is slightly after 8pm today and they are only half back to normal. I expected to wake up with them normal, not so. I had to wear my sunglasses at work all day.

I was told that I look like a muslim Paris Hilton. I now have the nickname "Hollywood", you can refer to me as such in the future.

Numb

I have found myself in familiar territory. I'm in a place I've been before, but not for about 5 years. I'm Numb. It isn't uncomfortable, it's familiar. I have no feelings of joy, sadness, anxiety, anger; I'm really not feeling much of anything. I have no emotional affect, I'm monotone. It takes a lot of hurt to get to this place, and I can't say I'm surprised to be here. After experiencing so many bad/sad/hurtful things I am numb to everything.

At least this time I am more experienced. I will not find myself praticing self-mutilation in order to remind myself that I'm still alive. I don't need to see blood to know that I'm a living, breathing human being. There used to be a time when such things consumed me. I know I will eventually be fine without having to harm myself along the way as a reminder.

Eventually I will be able to smile again, and feel it within me, shining outward. Eventually I will be able to walk into the second bedroom, rather than just look in the doorway and see some room that feels detatched from my apartment. Eventually I will be able to feel the warmth that love brings to one's world. Eventually, I will feel again. Eventually.

For now I am just numb.

Unusual Hankering

Why is it that every time I see an episode of the Amazing Race I want to do it? Not even for the money. I just really want to do the race and be a part of the competition. I'm not a very competitive person normally, but I want to do that race. Anybody up for it? I can't race alone! The applications must be received by January 16th, 2007. Ummm... maybe I'll have to wait to apply for the next season.

Seriously though, Amazing Race, anyone?