Childhood

I watched these girls play in the dirt outside my window. I remembered the carefree things I used to do as a child. I used to go in the pond looking for frogs, oh yes, frogs. My friend and I would always go in search of the big frog named "Godzilla". We dug on the shore of the river for crawfish. We once rescued a baby bird and fed it worms. I fed a bird worms? I used to touch worms, would never do it now. I used to go fishing with my grandparents and put worms on the hooks.

I was a builder and a carver. I would try to make a bow and arrows out of sticks and string. In hindsight, a rubber band may have worked better. I just had fun whittling sharp points in my arrow sticks. My parents let me have a pocket knife, I still can't believe it. I was ever trying to make a treehouse in the big tree in my yard. I hammered stairs to the tree. I hammered with nails! I'm sometimes amazed at the things my parents let me have and use. I used to do some really amazing things.

What happened to this girl? What did I turn into? I would never touch a frog, and definitely not a worm. Gross!!!! I still love to build and put things together. I'm always up for putting things together like my desk that I had to assemble, or my table. It's fun.

It rained alot today, I have the biggest urge to play in the mud, to be a kid. Unfortunately, I'm adult and need to wash the floors. I look forward to the day when I have children and can live vicariously through their love of frogs and worms.

A Good Day

Alhamdulilah, yesterday was a good day. It started early, not really considering I slept until about 6:30am which is two hours of sleeping in for me, but early for a weekend. Miss Patootie Pie, the sweetheart that she is, came with me to do the Heart Walk. We arrived early enough to find decent parking, and then the walking started long before the actual "walk" started. They had a bunch of booths set up, we walked through there. We found people from my work. I turned in more donations *by the way thanks to all who donated*. It was a gorgeous morning, we did the walk, and then we went out for lunch.

At the restaurant I felt really hot like I was burning up. I later realized sunscreen would have been a good idea! Looking good with the bright red face Miss A!

It was a lot of walking, alot of good company, and I was too exhausted to write anything yesterday. Alhamdulilah for the beautiful day.

Worldly Responsibility

I have yet to watch "An Inconvenient Truth", a documentary by Al Gore about global warming. I am waiting to watch it with a coworker of mine. I started to read the book by the same name. I only read a few pages, and in a way am afraid to delve any farther into that book. Global warming scares the crud outta me! I have lived in Minnesota all my life, and let me tell you the last few years have been very different. The seasons are not as they used to be. Winter is delayed a few months and summer is hotter than I can ever remember. It's scary.

With that in mind, I do pledge to be better about recycling and reusing. I have decided that any trips to the grocery store from now on will find me bringing my own bags to pack my groceries in. Perhaps I will bring bags that I have already gotten from previous trips, and eventually would like to get some cloth bags to always use for groceries. I was going to give a little spazz fest about corporate responsibility and the environment, but I think I will save that for another post.

Have Truer Words Been Spoken?

On the local news this morning they mentioned that George W. would be vetoing any bill from congress that gives a timeline of when U.S. troops will pull out of Iraq. They've been saying this for a while, whoopdee, so we know Bush wants to control Iraq forever. The next part they showed was another government official talking. I missed the guy's name (I was pretty involved with my cereal, give me a break it's about 4:50am when this happens). This is what he had to say:

"When we voted, we voted for George W. Bush. He is the Commander in Chief, and this is his war".

HIS war! That's exactly who's war it is. Who chose to look for those allusive weapons of mass detruction? Who had to finish what his daddy started? Why are so many people dying? Of course, because it's George W.'s war.

Morning

What a gorgeous morning! The sun shining through the windows, but cool morning air is still coming through the window. The day is perfect so far as I change the bedding. Clean sheets, pillow cases, and duvet cover. I smell the freshness of the fabric softener and can't wait till tonight when I get to jump into that safe place. I love my bed, there is no place like it in the world. It is the hardest place to leave. What could make this morning better? Hmmm... I think I'll make some french toast.

The Unblog

I can't help it if I'm too busy to blog for you. GAH!!!!!!!

How about if I give you a word of the day instead? Sound good? Heck, I'll even give you 2 words for today! Let's expand our vocab!

Prevaricate: to evade the truth, to lie

Garrulous: talking much, especially about unimportant things

There you have it. Two new words, feel free to use them on others so you look really smart.

Friday Night: Part 2 (aka Where Do I Start?)

After the pep rally everyone was invited to stay to watch the "Power Team". We saw 3 tough looking guys, and bricks being unloaded. It looked interesting. Miss Patootie Pie wanted to stay, and I thought my little bro would like it. We stayed. First they tore open cans of pop, and let them explode on the audience. I couldn't get a good shot of that. Then they started doing other things. Below is a pic of one guy bending a metal rod.

Another guy broke a stack of bricks.

One of the guys took a teflon pan and rolled it up. A phone book was torn in half.

The highlight was the two stacks of bricks to be broken simultaneously. Before the guy broke the two stacks is when the program got really weird.

Up until that point the guys were talking like WWF guys in the microphone, hyping things up. The guy below got on the mic and started preaching, with a preachers voice, inflection and all. MPP and I exchanged a "what the heck?" glance. The guy kept looking at us as he preached, we were obvious in the crowd with our headscarves on. The only reason I didn't leave is because I wanted my little brother to see the two stacks of bricks being broken. After the bricks were broken the guy said, "Let's bow our heads and say a prayer together."

That's when we left. I don't know what the heck all that was about. I've talked with MPP about it a couple times already. I'm pretty sure they weren't brought there by my company. My company is a bit more diverse than this. I also had the additional thought that these guys never mentioned the heart walk, which is why all of us were there in the first place. So... I didn't feel too bad about turning my back, walking up the stairs, and out on these guys. I felt disgusted, disrespected, and singled out.

Friday Night: Part 1

The company I work for gave the first 700 employees to sign up for the heart walk Timberwolves tickets. Of course the little brother had to come with me, and I invited one of the sisters to come with me. Her anonymous name on my blog is Miss Patootie Pie! So it started out pretty cool. I got a shot of the mascot Crunch below.

Unfortunately, MN was trailing about 20 points the entire game. My mom had called me the day before to day, "FYI Kevin Garnett will not be playing, he injured himself." Thank you mom for the Timberwolves update. I bring her to one game and she becomes the ultimate fan!

At the end of the game there was a pep rally for the people from my company. We got to go to a closer section, and Crunch used a slingshot to throw t-shirts into the crowd. It was okay, it wasn't what I expected, but I think my brother had fun screaming for them to shoot it towards him.

That concludes the first part of our adventure. What happened next... well I'm still a bit in shock.

Let's Talk About A Cheesecake For A Second

I am somewhat embarrassed by this story, and yet it is so amazingly horrifying that I have to tell it. I should have taken a picture.

I am absent-minded at times. So when I've been cleaning out the "going bad" items from my fridge I kept forgetting the cheesecake. I made a Jello brand (no gelatin in this product) no-bake cheesecake. My friend was here, we each had a small piece and into the fridge it went to stay. It stayed there for at least 5 weeks, maybe longer. Scary, I know. I was telling a co-worker how I had to remember to get rid of that cheesecake. She made fun of me. She teased me about it growing hair or looking like key lime pie instead of cherry cheesecake. Ha ha ha ha ha.

What's the scary part of this story you ask? I'm certain you are disgusted with me for not getting rid of the thing sooner, but in a way I'm glad I didn't. I took it out and uncovered it... and... it looked EXACTLY the same!! Talk about preservatives!! We put that crap into our bodies. I might live to be 200 with all the unknown preservatives going into me. Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Someone asked me if it was in a cold spot in my fridge and had possibly frozen. The answer is "no".

Don't be surprised when I announce that I'm an organic eating vegetarian.

Paranoid Mom

That's right, it's time for another paranoid mom post! Tomorrow evening I will be taking my little brother to a Timberwolves game (free tickets!). I told my mom that I would invite 2 muslim sisters to go with me. Her mind started going (YAY!). She said she was worried that muslim haters would see us and shoot at the car. She said that my little bro should probably scrunch down on our drive so he wouldn't get shot. She said that we (sisters) should throw ourselves in front of my little brother if someone were to shoot at us on the street. I told her I don't think anything like that will happen (I was stunned, what the crap do you say to something like that?). She said she had to consider all options, and it was possible. Then she said she thought there were christian haters out there too, but she doesn't wear Jesus on her head the way we wear scarves on our head, so it's not as obvious.

Ummmmmm...... what?

First of all, I'm her child too, but it's okay for me to get shot? It's not that I wouldn't protect the boy at all costs, but umm, I'm her child too. Second, she shouldn't assume that my friends would sacrifice their lives. Lastly, I kind of want to see her wear Jesus on her head, or maybe a big crucifix.

Only Here!

And by here, I mean Minnesota. Where else can you wake up in the morning on April 12th, and drive yourself to work in the dark, slippery, snowy conditions? Where else can you leave work on the same day and drive home in spring weather with your window down a little? That's right, only here! We change seasons by the hour.

Fun New Stuff

My new shirt, and my fun new Crocs (they're really comfortable).

A Sensitive Topic

I wasn't certain if I wanted to write this post or not, and I'm not even sure how it will come out.

I want to get married and have a family inshaAllah. I'm afraid. There is no easy way to meet a muslim brother. The internet has so many fakes and people just playing games. Even meeting through others at the mosque is frightening. A brother may act one way at the mosque and entirely different in the home. Sometimes I wonder how I will ever trust anyone. Will I ever get over the damage inflicted by my first marriage?

The worst day of my previous marriage is quite vivid, and often replays in my head. I got home from work and wanted to talk to my husband. He didn't work at all, but said he was tired and wanted to take a nap. I was tired too, but needed a little attention, and wanted to talk. It angered him, and he got his belt. I was beaten with a belt. You would think that would be the worst part, it wasn't. What he said to me when he stopped was what really bothers me. He said, "Now let me sleep, don't bother me or I will beat you with this belt until it breaks or I kill you."

The one person that is supposed to keep me safe and protect me became the enemy. The thought that he could beat me until I died crossed his mind. I forgot to mention that I was pregnant at the time this happened. So he also thought about killing a wife that was pregnant. Two lives for the price of one! How do I know this won't happen again? There are no guarantees. It doesn't matter how well you know someone.

I have to trust that Allah will guide me and bless me in this matter.

Mind Flow

My world as I know it is shifting and changing. Everything I knew is turning upside down. I've realized that I am no longer growing up, now I'm just growing older. Trust me there's a difference. It's a disgusting realization. I feel like my life hasn't even begun yet. I feel as though I'm waiting for some momentous event to take place AND THEN my life can start. I don't even know what this event is exactly, I just keep waiting for it and it never comes. What if I die feeling that my life never even began? I pray to Allah to keep me sane, to protect me, to have mercy on me. The hardest part about faith is not having the answers. I think I may be a control freak. It's difficult to let go when you feel like you need to know what's going to happen. Nothing's ever promised tomorrow, today. I have a job, a place to live, food, and water. I'm not struggling, but it doesn't feel right to me; there is something missing. I feel as though I've lost something along the way. Did I ever have it to begin with? I think I may be happier when this is all over with. A month can make a world of difference, I just have to see my way to the other side.

I'm On The Blogroll, So I Guess I'm Tagged

Last Beverage? Water. Though all I can think of lately is various caffienated beverages.

Last call? From my friend Miss K, she's hilarious.

Last Instant Message? I don't remember, it's been a while.

Last Music played? My friend Miss K was listening to something in her car, but we were too talkative for me to pay attention.

Last time you cried? About a minute before I started doing this post. I got an upsetting email. I'm so sensitive, why do people have to mess with me?

Have you ever?
Dated someone twice? Yes, back in my younger more ignorant days.
Been cheated on? I think so, but it's never been proven.
Lost someone special? Of course.
Been depressed? Hmmm, yeah, pretty sure I have.
Been drunk and threw up? When I drank in my pre-muslim days, I never threw up. Which is actually a bad thing... getting sick makes you a little more cautious about how much you have.
Favorite colors? Differing shades of blues and purples.

This month have you?
Made a new friend? Yes, and in the most surprising place.
Fallen out of love? Nope.
Laughed until you cried? Yes. If you knew my friends, you'd know I can laugh so hard it makes me cry.
Met someone who changed your life? Every person I encounter in a day touches my life whether for good or bad.
Found out who your true friends are? Yes, sometimes you have to go through some crap to find out who's going to be standing next to you when the smoke clears.

Is there something you want to tell someone? There are many things I'd like to tell to different people. Am I brave enough, not really.

How many kids do you want to have, inshAllah? 2 or 3, but most likely 2, it depends on how patient I can be with the first 2.

Do you want to change your name? I didn't change it for my first marriage. Who knows how I will feel if I find a future mate.

What did you do your last birthday? My family came over and we made homemade pizzas. It was a really good time. All I really needed was to spend time with the fam.

What time did you wake up today? 4:30 am, though I was tempted to crawl back into bed and call in to work.

Most visited webpage? Lately, it's CarSoup.

Who's tagged? Anyone who reads this, and hasn't been tagged with this before, YOU'RE IT!

Worst-Case Scenario

I'm upset.

The worst-case scenario could have happened. I'm not even sure. It's giving me anxiety. Actually it is the worst-case scenario. Not knowing what happened is worse than knowing that the worst thing happened.

I'm confused.

I don't exactly know what to do. If I choose option "A" and it's not the worst, I could make things very bad. If I choose option "B", I may drive myself straight towards insanity.

Have I completely confused you as well? I'm not surprised.

I will wait one more day and then decide what to do.

Mom's New Job

I feel sort of bad for my mom. She's been a stay at home mom for several years now (at least 15). My little brother is 13 and she decided she doesn't need to be at home as much, so she got a job. My mom is completely clueless about work now. Don't get me wrong, she was a single mom before she married my step-dad, and she worked really hard to take care of my sister and I. She just doesn't remember what it's like. In the past she's asked me questions like "Why are you so tired?" or "Why are you going to bed so early?". She just doesn't understand how tiring work can be, or at least she didn't before this week.

InshaAllah I hope she makes it through the rest of the week with ease. The last 2 days have been quite hard on her. She's just not used to that stuff (she chose to work in retail, yuck). No offense to those that work in retail. I appreciate what you do, it's a difficult job, and you are on your feet most of the day. I would have a really difficult time doing it, that's why I can't understand why mom chose it. Let's see if she makes it to the end of the week!