Healing

I'm amazed at what our bodies can do. I cut my finger pretty deep the other day. I've watched it heal the last two days. It's almost like a paper cut now, healing from the inside out. Our bodies heal so fast, but our hearts are more difficult to mend. A cut on the had takes almost no effort from me; a band-aid and maybe a little ointment. I don't have to think about making it heal. My heart is such a mental process (which makes you wonder why it's called a "broken heart" in the first place, since it's really a brain process). I have to concentrate so hard not to think of things that will make me cry. I have to do all the healing work, and it just takes so darn long! Why can't my body just heal it up the way it does with everything else, with very little help from me?

Bad Snacks, But Oh So Delicious!

Why are the tips of my thumb and forefinger on my right hand tinted red? Probably because I can't stop eating these darn Flamin' Hot Cheetos!!! This is my new guilty pleasure, but I can't indulge too often for many reasons. Yes, Miss Patootie Pie, they do go really well with my tuna salad addiction! Thanks for the suggestion!!

A Letter From The Head Cheerleader

I wanted to write you a letter. I want you to know that I'm not in the game anymore, in fact, I haven't been for some time. But, I am your biggest fan, your head cheerleader. I am, and always have been, at the sidelines cheering you on. If you look out once in a while you will see me rooting for you. I would someday like to be invited to be part of your team. Who knows, I could get invited onto another team instead. Even if that happens, I'm still cheering you on, cheering for your success. Whatever you do, it's up to you, you've got the ball.



Sincerely,

Your Cheerleader

I Couldn't Let This Go

There are so many things that will inevitably happen to me and so very few others. It's just how it happens.

Somehow this morning I got toothpaste in my eye. I wasn't trying to brush my eye or anything. I don't recommend toothpaste in the eye, it's kind of tingly at first, then it's kind of burny.

We Now Interrupt This Program

"This Friday is the end of quarter. Everything we get out by this Friday will count towards quarter end. So feel free to work as much overtime as you like, we need to get all of this product out," said the group leader.

I looked at the mounding piles of work, and thought, "I will be living at work this week".

Until further notice I will be dead tired and unwilling to blog.

Madness

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where------" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"------so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. "What sort of people live about here?"

"In that direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives a Hatter: and in that direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad."

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

-Alice's Adventures in Wonderland-

Oh, What A Perfect Day,

I'm glad I spent it with you.

This morning my friend called and said we were overdue for a visit. I told her maybe another time, she could tell I was in a gloomy mood and persisted. She brought designer coffees and treats. I told her I would make us a lunch/dinner. As I started to cook another friend called, and since I had 3 ears of corn, I said come on over. Strangely I had already taken out 3 green peppers to cook, it was meant to be. So I made corn on the cob and stuffed green peppers, yummy. I enjoyed the much needed company of my friends today.

If you're my friend, I've probably told you a few times that you mean the world to me, but I must say it again. To my friends: I love you guys, I love how you are there if I need you, and I love each of you for the unique gifts you each have that enrich my life. May Allah bless you all.

(Random thought after my tear jerking one.)

Note to self: Standing on the swiveling chair for the desk to fix the curtain; not a good idea.

Looooooong Week

Not much time to blog this past week. I've been working alot of overtime. There just isn't much to say. I feel robotic. I work, I eat, I sleep. I'm trying to patch up some things. InshaAllah we will see where it all goes. I just need to make it through a few more weeks. I need to figure out what I'm doing. For some odd reason I thought my lease was up one month later than it is. So I was surprised to get the lease renewal letter under my door this past week. They are raising rent $25. Should I stay or go? I have 10 more days, oops, 9 more days to decide. I have to give them 2 months notice and they give me less than 2 weeks to decide. Nice.

Stuck In A Moment

The past two weeks have been difficult for me. I feel as though this part won't end, and won't get better. But what's a couple weeks? 14 days, 336 hours, or 20160 minutes. What's that to a lifetime? Say I live to be 80; that's 29200 days, 700800 hours, or 42048000 minutes.

Two weeks compared to a lifetime is only .048% of my life; not even one percent of my life. To make a comparison it's like 40 seconds out of a 24 hour day. It's just a moment.

And this moment will pass.

Words

A million words flying through my mind. How in the world do I make them come out right? How can I possibly articulate what I want to say? The perfect sentences come together in my brain, but when it comes time to throw them into the world, it's never the same. Communicating and resolving conflicts. Sometimes what's intended won't happen. Communication doesn't only involve me, there is someone else there. Maybe they won't have the same goal.

Words... trying to make amends with someone dear to me isn't easy when they don't want to talk to you. Communication through email is difficult and time consuming. A resolve may take longer. I pray for you dear friend, may Allah make everything easy for you and bless you.

Words... trying to make ease with a coworker that I find unbearable isn't proving to be fruitful either. A one hour meeting with her yesterday was a kick to the forehead. There will never be any way to make a nice work atmosphere with her, never. Our group leader was there to mediate, I felt sorry for her. You can't mediate when one of the people there doesn't want to work on anything. I just keep praying that this other job works out. I know the hiring process takes a bit, but I'm being patient. InshaAllah it's where I belong, because I can no longer work with that person. I just can't.

Words, it's amazing how they can impact you.

I'm Still Here

I've been pretty sick since Friday morning. The weekend was a bit difficult. Monday morning, yikes! My car wouldn't start, here we go again. My old car which I haven't sold yet (alhamdulilah), has windshield wipers that don't work. They worked the last time I drove it, and now don't. I had morning dew on the windshield and did my best to see so I could get to work. My dad and step-dad both told me it was the fuse. I changed the fuse, still no wiping action. Let's hope it doesn't rain on my commute to or from work this week. Oh yeah, Fancy the fish has passed on. Not the happy day I hoped for.

Today on break though, I sat next to the window drinking my water with my feet up. We have several bushes along our building right outside the windows. There are many birds that come into the bushes and even some that land on the minute window sill and peer in. I watched the birds today, and I marvelled at the amazing creatures they are. Alhamdulilah. I watched as they flew around and landed with precision. It was amazing. I never paid that much attention before. What an amazing creation. Allah is truly the greatest. I see birds every day, but never truly watched them. Life is amazing, it's all around us. These days have been difficult, but I'm still here, I'm still a part of this amazing life.

Tears, And Lots Of Em'

Aside from family there is one person that I love very deeply, and care about more than anyone else in the whole world. The only person that I know will be there for me when I'm in need. One stupid word out of my mouth, and that person would no longer like to talk to me, ever.

This week has been far from good. I have had one of the worst weeks at work that I've had in a long time, and I really dislike going there anyway. I have been sick all day, very sick, and it seems like there is no end in sight. I just realized as I walked past my front door that I forgot to lock it when I came back 4 and a half hours ago. This must tell you how well I am feeling, and I'm irritable.

One word. When I got upset. One word. The consequences are such that I never would have imagined. I have been depressed before, it's been a lifelong battle. I've never felt like this though. I've never felt dead, even though I'm still alive.

I pray for forgiveness, first and foremost from Allah. I then pray that this person forgives me, because honestly, I don't know what I will do otherwise.

The Argumentative Coworker Rides Again

I won't bore you with details. Just know a trip to Human Resources may be necessary. Maybe that will fix the constant attitude I receive. Today it wasn't a friendly conversation, today it was about work, and it affected work.

I've had my evil thoughts regarding her *wink*, but time will take it's course.

I thought of how next week our group leader will go over our reviews. We do peer reviews. Guess who I got to review? I think it will be an eye-opening experience for her.

Family Fun

Yesterday my sister was sitting by herself, I was sitting by myself, and my parents were going to grill. The rents convinced me to pick up my sister and the two of us to come for dinner and the little bro to light some fireworks for us. A good idea, family time is a good idea, right? My 26 year old sister drove me nuts on the drive there (I wanted to lean over, open the door, and push her out). She kept poking me with her finger and singing obnoxiously, fun. She was still obnoxious at my parents house. My little bro chucked a CD at my head. My siblings were great yesterday. And then the show began...

The dog even loves fireworks, she watches them intently.
Dinner was really nice and the fireworks were really nice too. The drive home with my sister was less painful than the ride there. We were stopped for 45 minutes at one stoplight, while everyone was leaving a fireworks display. We left my parents a little later than intended, oh well. So I didn't get much sleep, and had to go to work with all my faves today, oh well (that's a different post anyway). All in all, a good day.

The Right To Vote

Some people are never wrong (according to themselves). This is perhaps one of the reasons I truly dislike where I work. Today, oh today!


The argumentative coworker, we shall label her AC for short, decided to argue, AGAIN. We were just having a friendly conversation along political topics. A friendly coworker asked us who we thought would be most likely to be voted into office, an African-American man or a woman. AC said she thought a woman, both the friendly and I said African-American man. I stated that the reason I believed this is because it's still a male-dominated world. I also said that African-Amercan men were given the right to vote before any women were. That's U.S. history baby! AC scoffed at me and told me I better go back and do my research again, that women were able to vote first.


Because it's something I knew for certain (I majored in women's studies, hello?), I went online and printed it out, the timeline of voting rights in U.S. history. I showed it to her, and guess what? She still argued that I was wrong! Huh?

The African-American men were given the right to vote in 1868, and women didn't get that right until 1920. AC said just because they were given the federal right to vote doesn't mean the states let them. When women were allowed to vote they could do it right away without problems. So I was obviously wrong. Don't worry that women weren't allowed to vote until 52 years later! Nothing changes in 52 years, right? Argh!